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Big Girl 2

Big girl in a small world

There goes the bell, officiating the end of my class test and the beginning of my dilemma…

We have 20 minutes to change into our sport wears and hit the field. Doesn’t sound bad huh? Well except you are totally conscious of your body and you have to strip in front of all this girls who you barley feel comfortable speaking to, atleast I got my friends there. I guess that’s my silver lining.

I really didn’t hate sport time no… Not until small b made it a point of duty to make fun of me every chance he gets. Being that he’s in the same sport house as me. Let’s paint a picture of one of our encounter here;

Small B: hey fat ass

Me: pretending I didn’t hear him, hoping and praying he’ll just work away

Small B: why’s your sport wear so big fatty (irritating laughter) don’t the have your size at the store? ( More irritating laugh)

Me: still acting dumb and silently praying the house masters get here anytime soon to separate the boys from the girls.

Small B: (hits me on the back roughly definitely not intending it to be a friendly Pat)

Me: weirdly shuttle into the crowd and act like that never happened. (P. S I was 12)

You see, I could have just gone over to a teacher and reported this but that would be pointless, they’ll just call him over, ask if my claims are true then he’ll act shocked and claim we where just playing … Oh wait this actually happened! I did report him but it was totally pointless and embarrassing.

My one and only coping mechanism was just to act undisturbed, act like the words he threw at me didn’t make me hate myself all over again, act like what he said never mattered because I love me and that’s all that matters, I just wished that I believed this back then, wish I saw myself the way my friends did I wish I loved me.

I forgive you small B, I really do… It took a while , it took me silent tears at 2am, it took me hating my own reflection for years to realize “I am the author of my life” I choose what I let in,I choose to be the bigger person small b, you’re forgiven.

unto the pain and abuse hurts only you, Be the bigger person!

Where you able to confront your bully?

What did you do?

Can you forgive your bully?

Xoxo Sisnextdoor.

Published by Sisnextdoor

Just a 19 year old introverted weirdo trying to wrap my head around the whole adulting phase🙃

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